My spouse and I quit drinking and it changed our relationship

Self-preservation does not afford the luxury of trust. I don’t think my husband and I ever really knew each other until I got sober. So we had that part to work through. My pregnancy added an additional challenge to the recovery process.

So, when I was like, I want to quit my job and become a life coach. It was a significant renegotiation of sort of the deal that we had going. I mean, it sort of hijacks your brain, it’s addictive, it’s socially acceptable, it’s everywhere. So, it is hard to break away from it. And it does impact all aspects of your life. Is your partner grappling with addiction?

Addiction Treatment Services

She just stated she had another engagement. Yeah, but now he got triggered because he also grew up in a very critical family where he couldn’t win. So, what we had here was a trigger to family of origin stuff that he was risking behavior, so to speak with his wife and his partner. And so, it wasn’t like she really did anything wrong, per se, but it was a trigger that had to be addressed. And once they understood that he got triggered and was it stonewalling, then the takeaway, the narrative is that you never want to talk to me. There you go again, you know, you don’t talk to me at home and we’re paying this guy.

What that means is it’s building trust, it’s getting right back to partners need to feel like they can express their thoughts, their feelings and their needs. And this is how we develop intimacy by being able to trust it, that it’s okay, we’re not perfect. But I have a lot of tolerance for you.

Getting Your Marriage Back on Track After Sobriety

And his heart rate was 140 something. And his verbal heart rate would have been 70. And what happened is he was flooded because he perceived and experienced her response as turning away.

Hiding things rarely works in your favor. One way to ensure your divorce is never-ending and costs a fortune is to adamantly deny that the breakdown of your marriage had anything to do with you. It might also be that you and your spouse were just never meant sober house to be. Recognize that your spouse deserves closure and the opportunity to move on—and so do you. I’ve seen too many people punish themselves by ignoring the fact that the divorce is happening or letting their spouse dictate all the terms of their divorce.

Your New Life Starts Here

According to the transtheoretical model of change, people go through five stages when they decide to make a change like getting help for an addiction. Living with an alcoholic is a stressful existence. But living with a recovered – or recovering – alcholic is not without stress, as those who know will attest. You are doing what you want to do. As we shifted the sobriety count from days to weeks and, later, months, we became more in tune with one another, but we were still two strangers living apart. It wasn’t that my husband turned back to the bottle.

Consider finding a therapist to talk to, or joining a sober partners support group. As your spouse recovers from addiction and achieves sobriety, you may learn that you have to rebuild many areas of your life, your relationship and your marriage together. This may involve learning a new and more effective way of communicating with one another, reestablishing intimacy, finding new hobbies to enjoy together and more. Sobriety and recovery is a process, one that takes time and commitment from both your loved one and yourself. Rebuilding a marriage through the process of addiction is also a process that will take time and perseverance. By removing self blame you can achieve greater clarity in your relationship with your spouse as well as better understand the ways in which you can support them in their recovery from addiction.

It will begin to rebuild trust with your ex and shift the narrative so that you can ultimately have a healthy co-parenting relationship. When relationships are glued together because of alcohol and drinking, and one person decides to change, it’s very hard, in the beginning, to be on the same page. It’s essential for you if you are sober, and someone like your husband or partner is still drinking that you don’t try to control their drinking, and you stay in your lane. Tulip Hill is a family-owned rehabilitation center near in Murfreesboro, TN with first-hand experience in addiction recovery. We believe a dual diagnosis approach that treats the mental health conditions underlying addiction is the best route to long-term sobriety.

What are negative emotions in sobriety?

Often, these negative emotions include: Anxiety and fear that you will not live up to others' expectations for you. Frustration that despite everything you learned in recovery, you still have occasional setbacks. Resentment of family members and friends who do not support your recovery goals.

That’s what it shows up on the radar as a relationship issue. What makes Casa Palmera distinct from other treatment facilities is our desire to not only heal the body, but also aiming to heal the mind and spirit. When two people share a home, they’re going to have an influence on each other. Furthermore, if someone shares a home, and their life, with an addict, they have the risk to become addicted themselves.